The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
