So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
