ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
