you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
