Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
