Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
