new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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