Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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