i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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