The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
