i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My feet surprised me
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