I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
