the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
