We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
