____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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