Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
