I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
