come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
