She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
