Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He did a backflip because drugs
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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