woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
