i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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