I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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