I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
