The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
