Sponge bath it is.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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