I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize