i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
