If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
