I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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