His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
