I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
