why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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