So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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