pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
