maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
