Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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