You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
time to smoke my breakfast
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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