he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
