We're facebook friends in real life
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
