i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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