Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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