I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
