I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
