how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
