from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize