Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
