1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
