If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
