I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
