i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize