Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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