I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
