I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
