That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
