In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
