you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
