I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
