we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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