Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
