Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
