he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize