I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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