i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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