his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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