One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
