Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
