You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
