i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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