By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
