At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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