I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
