Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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