# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
