We won't sleep together?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
