I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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