I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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