you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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