Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
