I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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