i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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