I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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