You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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