God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
