How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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