dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
