"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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