I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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