I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
