ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
