yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
