So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
