Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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