plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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