Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
