I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
