Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
4 words: hood of his car
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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