He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
