I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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