Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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