You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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