Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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