I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
