I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
