omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I smell stomach acid.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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