the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize