We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
