i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
