absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
try to milk me bitch
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