I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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