We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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